Keep showing up

Over the years, I developed a helpful habit to get me through tough times—as a parent, founder, and triathlete.

I’ve been a triathlete for 16 years. Like every athlete, there are days when I feel so terrible, I miss all my target times, and I just want to give up.

But the next day, if it is not a planned rest day, I would show up at the pool, on the road, or on the track.

Exhausted. Demotivated. Down. But I would drag myself and show up.

I might miss my target times again. It might be a shitty session again. I might question why I’m doing this to myself for the thousandth time.

But I would show up.

Gradually, sometimes after a few weeks, I would claw my way back. I would miss fewer targets, feel optimistic, and enjoy the workouts again.

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Being a parent feels similar.

There are days when I feel so beaten, annoyed, and frustrated. If you have tried spending two hours to get your kid to sleep while you haven’t slept well for the past year, you know this feeling.

But after a night’s sleep, however interrupted, I would start the new day as the parent I want to be again.

It might be another draining day ahead. I might get frustrated again. I might already be exhausted.

But I would show up.

My son deserves the best me every day, regardless of yesterday’s battles. Whatever happened yesterday happened yesterday. Today is a new day. And it’s so much more enjoyable to focus on the present when we are with our kids.

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Being an entrepreneur also feels similar.

Perhaps nobody is paying for our product, a product launch didn’t go well, or the product design I’d worked on for days didn’t actually make sense. Sometimes a bad event in the morning can cripple me for the entire day.

But the next day, I would go to my study, sit at my desk, and work.

I might not have fully recovered from the setback. I might doomscroll for another few hours. I might doubt myself still.

But I would show up.

Soon, I would overcome that bad incident, maybe face another one, and overcome that too.

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Olympian Alexi Pappas once shared a piece of advice from her coach after a tough day on the track:

And he said, when you're chasing a dream or doing anything hard, you're meant to feel good a third of the time, OK a third of the time and crappy a third of the time.

And if the ratio is roughly in that range, then you're doing fine. So today was the crappy day along your dream chasing. And if the ratio is off like you feel too good all the time or too bad, then you got to look at if you're fatiguing or are not trying hard enough or pushing yourself.

So I think with those days that you're talking about where like creativity doesn't come or doesn't feel great, you still show up because maybe that's your crappy day. But it doesn't mean you quit the goal. It doesn't mean you freak out. It means that you show up and live through that crappy or that dip because you're chasing a dream and you're doing something hard.

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George Lucas: A Life has a section about how he would keep showing up at his desk every day—for three years—to write Star Wars:

"I sit at my desk for eight hours a day no matter what happens, even if I don't write anything," he explained. "It's a terrible way to live. But I do it; I sit down and I do it. I can't get out of my chair until five o clock or five thirty. ... It's like being in school. It's the only way I can force myself to write."

While I have not fully internalized this as a parent (1.5 years) and a founder (3 years), 16 years as a triathlete have taught me that I will always be able to make some progress and then make it through the tough times—as long as I don’t give up.

I try to maintain this discipline for everything that is important to me. A few other areas are relationships, writing, and health.

But this stubborn discipline isn’t all good. There are times when I should take an off day or do something else. Or do nothing. But I still pushed myself to show up and ended up injured or burned out. And I couldn’t even show up for a while.

Thankfully, over the years, my wife, my coach, and my manager have helped me learn to adjust my days when necessary. Go for a walk outside. Do an easy run instead. Or spend the day reading. That allowed me to show up that day—and the following day, and the following day.

Of course, there are times when the best decision is to quit. To move on from a job and team I love. To kill a product that I have been marketing with my heart and soul. To let go of my dream of making the national team. To be honest, I tend to hold on to them longer than I should. But it’s hard to know until I have the benefit of hindsight.

Given that they are things I value, showing up for a while longer than I should have is okay. I might have spent more time than necessary. It might not be the “efficient” path, as productivity gurus might argue. But perhaps, for a meaningful life, it is necessary.

So, keep showing up.