Mencius is known as the Second Sage, second in importance only to Confucius himself. Can you imagine what it took to raise one of the most influential philosophers in Chinese history?
To begin with, the family didn’t have it easy. Mencius’s father died when Mencius was very young. So, his mother brought him up herself. It was said that his mother moved houses multiple times to find a suitable location for his upbringing.
Initially, Mencius and his mother lived by a cemetery. Young Mencius copied mourners and played funeral games. His mother decided that was no place for a child and moved near a market. Mencius then started to imitate merchants hawking and haggling over goods. Again, his mother felt that was a bad place and moved next to a school. Finally, inspired by the scholars and students, Mencius began to study.
As Confucius said, “To live in the neighborhood of the Good is fine. If one does not choose to dwell among those who are Good, how will one obtain wisdom?”
We see ourselves as our children’s main teacher and coach. There are skills, knowledge, and wisdom we want to teach them. But as much as we try (and we should definitely try), we also have to recognize that the environment they grow up in will play as large a role as we do, or even larger, in forming their character and shaping their thinking. Once they start school, they will begin to spend more and more time away from us and with their classmates and teachers, friends they make outside and online, and colleagues and managers at their workplaces. Instead of learning from our counsel (or nagging), they will more likely be subconsciously influenced by the people they spend the most time with.
Before they are able to choose and change their environment, we have the duty to help them, like Mencius’s mother did. What is the environment like? Who will be guiding and mentoring them? Who will they hang out with? If any of these falls short, we should consider moving to a better place.
But this doesn’t mean we should simply pick a good neighborhood and good school and then sit back and watch. Even though our influence will decrease over time, we can start by creating a conducive environment at home while they are little. They see us most often then and will follow us. Who we hang out with and who we invite to our house are a part of their environment, too. Benjamin Franklin’s father often had interesting guests for dinner and took care to start useful discussions that might improve the minds of his children.
Most important of all, as they grow older, we have to teach them this:
If they don’t find their surroundings suitable for what they want, they can move.
P.S. Want to come back to this later? Keep it in your commonplace book.